“Well, I guess it’s hello world huh?” – Tiger Woods
I’ve promised for some time that I would start his blog. It’s been almost five years since I’ve blogged in some form or fashion.
I was an angry, misogynistic asshole when I last blogged. I hated everything because I was feeling sorry for myself. A woman did me wrong. I wanted to lash out at a world in which I envisioned as just a yucky place to be. As Thomas Hobbes said once in the book Leviathan, the life of mankind, was “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” This attitude was reflecting through in my blogs. Moreover, this negativity was the status quo.
For twelve years of my life, I was in a constant state of blackness. I drove away people that wanted to help. I was mean and evil to those around me. I pushed away those who were closest to me. I was, emotionally-speaking, at rock bottom. This is how perpetually black my soul was: Every woman wanted to take advantage of me. Every woman wanted to do me harm. Every woman was a bitch and a whore.
..and then I met an amazing woman who would become my wife. She was lovely. We were married for four years. She treated me awesomely….until we got married. She became increasingly cruel. Emotionally abusive. Just plain evil. Ironic, isn’t it? You live a great majority of your life in a content state of negativity and the person who helps you out of that very deep hole creates an even deeper hole.
I know now that there’s someone out there who will love me for me, even if I have a rough time loving myself. There is someone out there that will make me happy, even if I have such a hard time making myself happy.
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